King Conan, Conan the Barbarian: Queen of the Black Coast, and the Fidelity Paradox

Only took 16 years.

“What was that you started telling me the other day about a monkey’s paw or something, Morris?”

“Nothing,” said the soldier, hastily. “Leastways nothing worth hearing.”

“Monkey’s paw?” said Mrs. White, curiously.

“Well, it’s just a bit of what you might call magic, perhaps,” said the sergeant-major, offhandedly.

His three listeners leaned forward eagerly. The visitor absent-mindedly put his empty glass to his lips and then set it down again. His host filled it for him.

“To look at,” said the sergeant-major, fumbling in his pocket, “it’s just an ordinary little paw, dried to a mummy.”

He took something out of his pocket and proffered it. Mrs. White drew back with a grimace, but her son, taking it, examined it curiously.

“And what is there special about it?” inquired Mr. White as he took it from his son, and having examined it, placed it upon the table.

“It had a spell put on it by an old fakir,” said the sergeant-major, “a very holy man. He wanted to show that fate ruled people’s lives, and that those who interfered with it did so to their sorrow. He put a spell on it so that three separate men could each have three wishes from it.”
 - "The Monkey's Paw," W.W. Jacobs

It is happening.

And I am conflicted.

Of course.

But... there is another...

Why is it the parodies are better than the real thing?

Normally I shy away from simply posting links, but this was simply too transcendent to ignore. It is, essentially, one of the most well-produced metal music videos I have seen. Full of sorcery, monsters, mighty armies clashing, exotic harems hareming, and absolutely brilliant animation.

It's also a Merry Melodies short.

It's like Korgoth of Barbaria and the time South Park had Cthulhu guest starring: sometimes, parodies manage to capture the soul of their lampoon target more than supposed "straight" adaptations. This short manages to encapsulate the hyperbolic majesty of high-magic settings in animation previously only achieved by Fire and Ice and Heavy Metal, just as "Coon & Friends" was a more faithful depiction of the Lovecraft Mythos than all the professionally-made Lovecraft adaptations out there, and Korgoth of Barbaria managed to be more authentically Howardian than every supposed Howard adaptation combined, squared and multiplied.

Maybe that's the way to get things done: claim something's a parody or affectionate homage.

Hey, this is an excellent opportunity to post Korgoth, isn't it?



It amazes me this show wasn't picked up.

Triangulation: Lang, Lawsuits, Bakshi, Moorcock, Tolkien Art, Frazetta & REH,

Obviously, before the big news broke, I had a lot of plans for The Cimmerian. However, those plans will not be in vain, as will become clear soon. For now, a double-dipping of Triangulation, since I seem to have forgotten last week's.

On Tuesday the 18th, I link to Stephen Lang speaking on the Conan film. Comparisons to Jason & the Argonauts have me worrying about a certain other Harryhausen film, or rather its remake... Thursday the 20th, Paradox & Orion have settled their hash. Maybe now we can get Conan's Brethren, huzzah! Saturday the 22nd is right in the middle of the internet blackout, so in an absolute panic I just did a post on Robert Rodriguez announcing Fire & Ice.

Wednesday the 26th brings Moorcock back into The Cimmerian's sights, possibly for the last time. Thursday the 27th yet another short post, this time to a link of Tolkien artists. Finally, on Saturday the 29th, I get the big guns out, and go on with The Art of Frank Frazetta & Robert E. Howard, Part 1. Here I discuss the first iconic Conan picture. I've no doubt people will call it pretentious and snooty, but given I rarely feel like I'm clever in comparison to established Howard scholars, I'll take what I can get.

Again, I'll fully address the situation on The Cimmerian soon.

Triangulation: Things are Looking Up

My first triangulation post with The Cimmerian discusses Pixar's Up.

While I adored the film, that's not to say it was perfect. Spoilers ahead!