Saturday, 4 September 2010

Conan Fan Film: Conan and the Tower of Tara Teth

jdraks announced over at the Robert E. Howard Forums that his brand new short Conan film was finished.


It's Conan and the Tower of Tara Teth.

Two things:

1. I really didn't like that comic.  You probably could've guessed that.  "Tower of Tara Teth" indeed: normally I'm a sucker for alliteration, but that clunker evokes the Jones/Fleischer era.  That's never good.

2. Hearing the Nemedian Chronicles recited in an Austrian accent frightens and confuses me.  It's some special kind of heresy.  I'm almost tempted to do my best Ahnold impression to recite "The Road of Kings," "The Song of Belit" or "Cimmeria," just to see if it could be done.

Ayee reemehmbah...

De dahk woots, mahskeeng sloarps off sombah heels;
De greh clahwoods' ledden eyvearrlahsteeng ahch;
De dahsky streams dat floaud weetout a saound,
Ahnd de loarn weends dat wheespuhd dahn de pahssees.

Veesta ahpoan veesta mahcheeng, heels on heels,
Sloarp beyond sloarp, each dahk weeth sahllun twees,
Ahr gaunt land lay. Sow wean ah mahn clahymbed ahp
Ah rahgged peek unt gayzed, hees shayded ahye
Soar baht de ehndless veesta - heel on heel,
Sloarp beyond sloarp, each hoodeed lahk eets bruddahs.

Eet wahs ah gloomy land that seemed to hold
Aowl weends unt clahwoods unt dreems dat shahn de sahn,
Weeth behr baows rattleeng een fe loarnsahm weends,
Unt de dahk wootlands brooteeng oarvehr aowl,
Naht evuhn lahyghtenhed bahy de ruayre deem sahn
Wheech mayde squaht shahdoars aoht off mehn; dey coarled eet
Seemehreea, lahnd off Dahkness unt deep Nahyght.

Eet wahss soah loahng ahgoah unt fahr aweh
Ahye haff foahrgodden de vehry nayme mehn coarled mee.
De ahxe unt fleent-teepped speeahr ahr lahyke ah dreem,
Unt hahnts unt wahrs ahr lahyke shahdoars. Ahye recoarl
Oarnlee de steellness off dat soarmbah lahnd;
De clahwoods dat pahyled foarevah oan de heels,
De deemness off de
eyvearrlahsteeng woots.
Seemehreea, lahnd off Dahkness unt de Nahyght.

That said, it's a good animation.  Better than my wee film in many ways: it actually has particle effects and dynamic cloth & hair!  Plus everything's all shiny and neat, with complex animations rather than a lot of zooming about the landscape.  If the gang actually went for a Howard story, developed their editing and scoring, and changing the accent, it could end up looking pretty nice.


  1. Uhhhh. Wow. The muscle anatomy on Conan is pretty weird. Neat idea though. Bad anatomy..

  2. Wow. CG Ahnold's got... boobs?

    I prefer the travelogue video, although the narration could have used more of a Scottish brogue.

  3. Yeah, CG Konahn's physique is... unorthodox. I'm reminded of WWE wrestler Chris Masters and his rather unusual talents:

  4. Hah, any more of a Scottish brogue and my gullet would've prolapsed!

  5. If you watch the shot where he finishes the last zombie you can see him moving his big boobs ;)