Fun with Yahoo Answers

Yahoo Answers is about the most hilarious site I've come across, for all the wrong reasons.

For instance, the answer to the question will there ever be a remake of Conan the Barbarian:

Never.

Uh... huh.



How about... How might Conan the Barbarian act if a radical feminist yelled at him for holding the door open for her?

He might take her over his knee and give her a good paddling until her layers of toughness wore away to reveal a layer of wide eyed, teary eyed, sacharrine sweetness....and then she'de apologise.

He would call her a witch and burn her to death as men have slaughtered women of "independent mind" for thousands of years, such as the five million women of "independent mind" slaughtered in the aftermath of the Christian Malleus Maleficarum.

I fhe was a real barbarian, he wouldn't open the door, he'd smash it in with an axe.

The cheesecake one was funny, if cliche. The third groan-inducing: barbarians aren't mindless brutes. That "witch" comment was was hilarious, what with the "five million" (note how these people never bring up the fact that many men were accused of witchcraft?) being generally considered a gross exaggeration and all. And, of course, I needn't say that Conan certainly would not assume a woman of "independent mind" would be a witch, seeing as there were very real witches to deal with in the Hyborian Age.

Then this question: From Conan the Barbarian, was there actually a god named Crom?

Yes Crom is the Irish/Celtic Day god.
I don't think the author of Conan knew that however

Crom is a fictional deity created by American author Robert E. Howard. He is mainly mentioned in swearing by his character Conan the Cimmerian, and "worshipped," it is presumed, by the bulk of the Cimmerian people. His name is probably derived from the ancient Irish deity Crom Cruach, with the fictional Cimmerians functioning as proto-Celts in Howard's pre-historic Hyboria

"Crom is a fictional deity created by American author Robert E. Howard." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crom

Actually Crom is a fictional God, created by Robert E Howard who wrote the Conan saga...
but it's probably modeled after a real Deity named Crom Cruach...

Which one was chosen as the "best answer?" The one that assumes Howard had no idea of Crom Cruach. Of course. Because Howard was an idiot. Ye gods.

Then, it just gets embarassing. Conan the Barbarian - What is a good anthology?

I'd start with Howard. a lot of other people have also written Conan stories, with his or his estates permission, but Howard is the original. At one point in time, when I read them roughly 20 years ago, these were collected into a numbered series, but to be honest most could be read in any order. Conan doesn't exactly change much over the series.

My advice? Find a local used paperback book store and buy a bunch of what they have on hand. Like reading your way through the Tarzan series, eventually you'll tire of it, most likely before you've read them all.

"With his or his estate's permission?" Nope, just the estate, seeing as Howard died a full twenty years before the first pastiche hit the stands. Also gotta love the "Conan doesn't change much" remark: sure, in the pastiches everyone sticks to the same thing, but there is no way that the Conan of "The God in the Bowl" is "pretty much the same guy" as the Conan from "Rogues in the House," or either are the same as Conan in "The Phoenix on the Sword." It's as profound a character arc as any.

Finally... used paperbacks. Instead of the Del Reys. This is the "best advice." Gah.

I'm a glutton for punishment. Does Conan the Barbarian have a cool religion?

Besides do the bear skin tango with Red Sonja? I've not the slightest. Probably nothing too terribly different than what the average Germanic/Nordic Heathen would do, really.

Edit: Well, look there. I would seem to be right. Crom sounds an awful lot like the Blessed Alfar Odin, yes?

That was the best answer. No, you are not right. At all.

WWCD? He'd pray to Crom.

Feck off.

Oh, joy: Who was the original creator of Conan the Barbarian, and did he really still live with his mother?

Robert Howard.
Well, you only have to look at the film to see that there is clearly a lot of (very badly) repressed anger in who ever thought of this charming story. I guess it has to come from somwhere.
I bet if I were a grown man and I still ived with my mum, I'd be pretty angry all the time.
It's a good theory!

Lord almighty... Howard lived with his mother because he was her primary carer. Hester Howard was suffering from tuberculosis. They could not afford a nurse. Howard was a writer, and so could work at home. This was the Great Depression. It's simple economics, people. As for the whole "repressed anger" thing, well, I guess it's a shame Howard never did invent the story of Conan the Barbarian.

robert e howard was the creator he commited suicide at about 32 years old it was on the anniversary of his mothers death yes they were quite close. then the rights went to L sprague de camp a close friend of howards but i think he died in 2001 or sometime near there

A mite confused there, chief. Howard's suicide is complicated and there is no single factor, be it his mother's impending death, losing Novalyne, or sheer depression which he suffered all his life. But it sure wasn't on the anniversary of Hester's death: Howard actually died before her. And... well, De Camp never even met Howard, so I don't know where that "close friend" thing comes from.

But wait, a light at the end of the tunnel:

Robert Howard was the original creator of Conan the Barbarian and 100s of other stories in that genre. His mother was in ill health for quite a long time, and he and his father- a doctor - took care of her. When it was determined by a nurse that the mother was not going to come out of her coma and that she would die, Robert committed a long-planned suicide with a borrowed Colt .38.
Here are a few links that you can learn a bit more about Conan and R.E. Howard...

Ishtar's blessings on you, d-zine-r, whoever you are. A shame it wasn't the answer chosen, since it's the only correct one.

It's at this point that I just gave up. What a crazy place.