Wednesday, 27 January 2010

OK, This is the last one, I promise...

I can't resist. It's like an affliction. Still, you'd have to try pretty damn hard to beat some of the stuff said on this page.

..Or how about the Conan that actually matters? (goes into a 5,000 word essay about the Conan O'Brien/Jay Leno saga that's gripped the internet)

Because, apparently, a popular talk-show host matters more than a cultural icon. As if there's some sort of measuring scale of mattering.

Should be JOhn CEna opeople I try and contact him cause this guy they have on this iMage is just not Conan the Barbarian he's more of a side kick of Conan, Get John Cena to play Conan the barbarian JOHN CENA is the guy that come close to looking like Arnold

I don't know, JOhn CEna didn't exactly wow people in his first starring role (The Marine). In fact, he wasn't even cast for the sequel: when you aren't good enough for the role especially written for you, that's a really bad sign.

But IM a total Comic books fan, but Im sorry this SG Atlantis guy is not Conan, he just isn't him. We shall see what happens when the movie eventually comes out, most movies with the comic book character look alike do very well as long as there a good story. and it's not about Just looking like him John Cena does have some acting ability don't get me wrong he's not the greates, but there are many B actors that take off really well. Many of you should actually look at the comic book, this SG atlantis Guy just wont cut it. when he picks up the Sword of Conan it just not going to work for this Lean guy to pick it up, now if you you have a BUlky guy it will look so cool and when you add korky words like in Arnolds Movie, this will all fall together and as for john Cenas Hair he just need to grow it oout and it will defenetly work, and spray him with a little bit of TAN spray. Im telling you guys and girls Look at the comic book, Conan is Bulky Mr Olympian loooking of a character. We as an Audience will totaly believe that a John Cena Type of Profile can pick up huge boulders and those huge swords, but to see some lanky tall guy without any width and Bulk, it just wont work. Look at the comic Books people and look at Arnolds Movie version, John Cena would defenetly work. And YEs the 80's was full of those Movies with one liners and it works, it would defenetly work today, also with all the SGI they will put on the movie and hopefully a great story the Actin of JOhn Cena will defently not matter as much and he's not to bad to begin with. Take a look at John Travotas "Battle Field Earth" even an A actor Can do horrible movies, if the story isn't there then not even an A actor can save it. I do animation and when I do Characters for DC or over seas, I look for good stories, because all the best acting I do with my character can't save a horrible plot or setting or the show. Acting is only a Part. Look at the Comic of Conan the Barbarian!

... Better yet, read the stories. I mean jeez, does Wikipedia cease to exist when people talk about Conan or something? Seriously, about 25% of all comments here are from Conan "experts" talking about the "original comics."

Odin's for vikings, lol! Arnold was perfect for many reasons, even though i did not like him playing my childhood hero! The whole movie was made without the agreement of it's creator, conan a slave? Not in any of the books i read, at sixteen he was whooping ass as a hunter and swordsman! His speech played a role too. In the books his accent was so strong they said he could hardly be understood. Oh, it is crom that conan worships. Thor is odin, lol! take it easy.

Conan's barbaric accent is noted, but I don't remember any case where he was "hard to understand." Also, for a guy who has apparently been a fan of Conan for years, he seems to have more than a few misapprehensions. Like Arnold being perfect. And his implied possibility that the film could be made "with" his creator, who'd been in the Land of Mists for fifty years.

I think that this guy is perfect for such a movie because its not all abot the muscle.... Its about brains stamina and faith in Odin!!

Ah yes, because the god most people associate with Conan wasn't, you know, CROM or anything, it was Odin.

u do kno wrestling is fake right?? all u go on about is big bulky guys. stop going on about what turns u on and acknowledge, 1 conans assyrian, 2 actors are very simple minded and do not have talent or the charisma it takes to be a actor. yes ive seen him on star gate atlantis, he isnt big compaired to the great talentless cena. size has the equivalent or nil on being a bag ass barbarian tho, this guy pulled off his role better then cena ever could. by the standards of assyrians he would be a giant tho. and while arnold was mr olympia b4 the movie he was that big cena is bigger now then arnold was at the time.

Wow, this is spectacular: he's calling Conan an Assyrian. Obviously he, like so many, heard "Sumerian" in the film, then didn't watch it for years, and had to mentally recall Mesopotamian cultures, and figure it out from there. I wonder how many people came up with different Mesopotamian cultures: Akkadians, Babylonians, Hittites, Elamites. Conan the Babylonian!

Hmmm is right. The books were written about a SCOTTISH warrior! This dude aint Scottish. More hollywood New World Order casting.

... Well, at least he's in the Gaelic ballpark, though I honestly don't know where the hell Scotland came from.

He was Sumarian they were roughly located in location around the middle east

Go back to history class, Sumerians were an actual people who lived where LK described 10,000 years ago.

actually in the MOVIES he was sumerian. scottland didnt even EXIST in the time period the movies were taking place in! i hardly think the the NWO wouldve cast an island looking dude for a movie if they were trying to get THEIR point across. lets put on our thinkin caps.

..Cimmeria.. is a ..fictional.. land of ..barbarians.. in ..antediluvian.. (cp. the ..Hyborian Age..) and the homeland of ..Conan the Barbarian.. in the works of ..Robert E. Howard.. as per Wikipedia. Sumeria would be the closest representation.


Every time I feel depressed about how little about Howard I know compared to the likes of the mighty Glenn Lord, Don Herron, Rusty Burke, Mark Finn, Patrice Louinet et al, I can look back and say "Well, at least I never thought Conan was a Sumerian."

conan the barbarian was Serbian... not scottish brah

Serbian? That's a new one. I guess you could mishear Cimmerian as Serbian, if you had wax buildup, or were watching a pirated video. I'm going to have to go through all the countries people could confuse with Cimmerian: so far we have Sumerian and Serbian. Hmm... Siberian? Cytherean? Caesarian?

Correction for you Scrap Metal: CONAN was Sumerian which was located south of Mesopotamia (ie, Jordan, Syria, North. Africa). The Conan tales were INSPIRED by stories of CuCuhlain an IRISH mythological hero...nothing SCOTTISH about Sir Doyle's hero.

... Wow. So Conan was a Sumerian, with "nothing Scottish" about him, with tales inspired by Cuchulain, and written by "Sir (Arthur Conan?) Doyle." That might take the cake, fellows. That's inspired.

prince of persia does look cool, but it's the same s***. They have a white boy playing a persian. Can't complain about Conan not fitting his proper racial background yet be completely fine with the Prince. No consistency.

*Sigh* Seems we have another idiot who doesn't know that Persians, as in the Persian ethnos, are white. Even the National Socialist German Worker's Party considered them to be white! The freaking Nazis! It's not even like it's hard to tell: the Prince in the games has tanned skin, mousy-brown hair, and blue eyes. Guess what Jake Gyllenhaal looks exactly like?


For a "children's story teller" in comparison, Lovecraft himself seemed to disagree. In fact, Lovecraft considered Howard one of the finest horror authors out there, alongside the likes of Poe, Blackwood and Machen. But I guess Epic Lovecraft was wrong, eh?

I have read the book series (way before some of you posters were born) and Arnold was the one and only actor that could play that part.

Because, of course, being older than people automatically makes you an authority. Rather than being right, or having good reasons for his statements.

Yo Jordan stop being a douche you don't know jack about Conan: They going to ask this guy what is best in life? To destroy your enemies see them driven before you and hear the lamantation of their women? This guy says it and I laugh! Krom is in anguish! Arnold changed the face of Conan and reverting back to the original vision would be silly. The face of the Conan Franchise is Arnold. Turning Conan into twilight is going to destroy the franchise and fill it with little faggy fan boys. BS is all I can say to this nonsense! What's next lets douchafie the Terminator.... oh wait......

Funny, because Arnold wasn't even involved with Conan until 25 years ago, less than a third of the character's existence. Reverting to the original version would only be silly if you think making a Conan film more badass than Conan the Barbarian would be a bad thing. And it would be more badass than Conan the Barbarian - hell, it would be more badass than every Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie combined. And I'm including Commando in this, jack.

Conan was already cast, and already done. Quit remaking old movies. The newer versions always fail.

Of course, Casino Royale, The Dark Knight, Jackson's The Lord of the Rings and other newer versions of "old movies" were all critical and commercial failures. Dumbass.

I think with the exception of Jordan, no one has even read a singly word from Robert E. Howards works. Here are some grounds for Conan...1: He was not a huge guy, he was incredibly strong, yet AVERAGE LOOKING, NO ARNOLD!!!....

I've never heard Conan described as "average looking." Ever. Maybe "average Cimmerian" - maybe, but jeez.

i've read all the original conan books and other RE Howard books, and i'd have to say flugge is correct when he says he was dim witted

But of course! What kind of a man would be a patron of the arts, speaker of a dozen languages, composer of poetry, cartographer, palaeontologist and treasure seeker but someone who could be succinctly described as... "dim witted."

Let's be real. How many of us thought Ledger was gunna be a great Joker? I thought Jack set the bar pretty high but Heath proved otherwise. Give the lil guy a chance.

People love bringing Ledger up despite him already being considered an accomplished actor with many awards and high praise long before The Dark Knight. He was nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award, ferchrissakes! This is a totally different situation.

...BUT GUYS,hes a BARBARIAN!!!!!HE isnt suppose to think before he acts! Hes suppose to be brut strength.

So true: imagine how different "The Tower of the Elephant" would've been if he stayed his hand, and didn't immediately kill that Elephant monster. Or how weird "The Black Stranger" would've been if he hadn't blundered into the fort and killed everyone there. Or how long "Beyond the Black River" would have been had he not died in the first few pages on account of being killed by a Pict.

or some of you youngsters out there,before arnold was an actor he was a professional bodybuilder he was mister olympia 7 times.Delarenta and the author and creator of CONAN sought out arnold and asked him to play in the part.

Really? Robert E. Howard sought out Arnold and personally asked for him to play the role? This turns Howard scholarship completely upside down, especially since we'd always thought he died in 1936! But how could that be true, when he so clearly was present to approve of the actor to play his most famous creation?

P.S. to the jordan kid down there who claims to be some self professed expert on CONAN,one need only to google Conan the Barbarian and look up all the source related images that were signed off on by the author and inventor of the original novel.

The only images of Conan I'm aware Howard ever seeing would be the Margaret Brundages. Something tells me they're not what this joker's talking about.

CONAN carried a 6 foot long sword,a battle axe,or a warhammer.All of which were extremely heavy,and required massive upper body strength to wield effectively which CONAN did very well,as he loobed off heads with a single blow.

Ah yes, I remember when he carried that gigantic warhammer. He used it to fight off the Uberboreans and Aquiromians, if I remember correctly.

As for this cat here he better get on that work out routine Gerard Depardue was on for the movie 300,because this chump is gonna need more than dreads to convince Me and alot others that he can be CONAN THE BARBARIAN,wtg lionsgate execs way to ruin a franchise.

I'm sorry, I just can't stop laughing at the idea of Gerard Depardieu running about in short leather breeks and sandals, replacing Butler's ridiculously awesome Scottish accent with Depardieu's equally ridiculously awesome French accent. THEESS... EESSS... SPEHRTAAWWWW!

And you know what's scary? That's just the first ten pages. I couldn't face any more after that. How many pages are left? 49. Even I with my ill-advised fascination just have to say... I've seen enough. Really. I'm done.

Ok, ONE MORE from the final page...

Second, as far as his physical appearance not being 'right' - Howard himself gave Conan's description as 6'2 210lbs. Momoa is taller than that, but about that same size.

STOP BRINGING UP THE 6'2" 210lb DESCRIPTION. Crom's devils.

I have no further interest in wallowing in such stupidity, and I feel rather annoyed at myself for wasting time that I could have spent reading actual Howard scholarship. There's still a few copies of The Cimmerian print journal I haven't devoured, and if ever I needed to cleanse my palate (or rather, bleach it) now's the time.

Dammit, why did I waste my time?


  1. Holy crap, Just Keeps Coming.
    First it's funny, then it's sad, then it pushes so deeply into the absurd that it gets funny again.
    Seriously, if you wanted, you could probably draw some apocalyptic conclusions about people with access to more information than at any point in human history being unable or unwilling to use it much less think things through, or blinkered monkeys with internet access, or the downfall of human intelligence. Stuff like that.
    Exerts a morbid pull, a fatal fascination.
    C'mon. Why don't you go back and look some more?

    John Hocking

  2. I thank you. I found hilarity in reading what you posted without having to overwhelm myself by going to the source. It is amazing to see what people think they know.

    I admit I even learned something about Conan through reading your analysis. But then, I'm only a casual fan, not a well-researched (snicker) movie maker.

  3. Geez, they all know nothing. Conan is the name of several 12th century Dukes of Brittany, and since Brittany is strongly connected with the King Arthur myths that came up at the time, Conan was a member of the Round Table. We can play that even further. The real Arthur - if he existed at all - lived in 5th century Britain where he fought the Saxon and Irish invaders, and he probably was Roman or half-Roman. Conan was a leader of his auxiliary who went back to Brittany and made himself king of Ys, also known as Lyonesse, that later sank in a flood. Being Conan, he survived and started wandering all over place an time.

    OK, I better stop that, or someone will come post it as fact on one of those sites Al keeps reading. :)

  4. I regaled my Wednesday night dinner crowd (several REH Fans included) with many of the quotes you put up here. Conan the Sumerian was by far the most popular.

  5. Got that right, Lagomorph. I only brought it on myself. Still, I think even I've realised that enough is enough. From now on, I'll stick to stupid things professionals say about REH, though if there's any that particularly inspire me, I might share it. No way am I going to go back to that Myspace site, though, dear Mitra.

    Sorry John (Sacred Kookaburra of Edinburgh, John Hocking posting on my wee blog?!?), I don't think my brain could take it. I already had to knock it out with a blackjack: I found tickets to Tijuana in the medulla oblongata.

    I'm glad you learned something, Loyd: hopefully this'll persuade you to pick up the Del Rey Conan books. Don't know if you could tell, but I really - and I mean really - like 'em.

    Touche, Gabriele. I'm actually a bit surprised nobody called Conan Irish or Breton, but I guess if you're intelligent to know about Brittany, you're not going to make that mistake.

    Glad you enjoyed, Charles (Holy Crow of Glasgow, Charles Rutledge posting on my wee blog!?!) Conan the Sumerian is probably my favourite too, it's just so easy a mistake to make, yet a little reading would change it.

  6. I'm not going to say this is a 100% surefire thing.. But I'd wager that a lot of those posters saying stuff like " Conan the Sumerian " are the same ones who when they find out you liked Transformers too.. say something like " Oh I had that blue truck guy with the voice ".. or worse yet " I really loved the red scooter guy " ..

  7. The difference is I don't mind people saying silly things about Transformers, because so much of my beloved robot mythos is silly. Besides, "that blue truck guy with the voice" is kinda descriptive of Prime (unless you're talking about Soundwave!), though I have to admit, I've drawn a blank on the scooter guy.

    Besides, it's is a well-established and celebrated pastime of the human condition to find humour in ignorance. If I were ever stupid enough to blunder in about something I know nothing about like The Wheel of Time or Battlestar Galactica, I'd fully deserve the derisive snorts issuing in my general direction.

  8. the Scooter is well.. Scooter .. From Challange of the Gobots..

  9. Ah, you'll have to forgive me for not knowing much about Gobots. <_< >_>

  10. Roquefort Raider3 February 2010 at 19:54

    What, nobody came up with Conan the Cymrian?

    I'm disappointed. At least the Welsh *are* related to Conan's people.

  11. this book completely BLEW ME AWAY!!! It has everything: romance, action, suspense. I love how Percy and Annabeth fall in love at the end. You can really tell that the characters have matured a lot and it makes me want to start at the beginning all over again. So basically I LOVED the book and I think it was the best book in the series BY FAR!!! I am really going to miss this series a lot!!!!!!!