In Memory of Gordon R. Dickson

Januaries are a stacked month when it comes to famous author's birthdays. I remembered Tolkien, Howard and Smith, but I completely forgot Asimov, Poe, London and Merritt's birthdays, C.L. Moore's centennial, and I've just discovered I barely missed Lloyd Alexander's, which was yesterday. I also missed the anniversary of Rudyard Kipling's death, and Walter M. Miller's birthday and death. Well, no more: I'm setting a calender for important dates to ensure this doesn't happen again.  Even if it's a simple line or picture, I refuse to let my favourite authors' days of celebration and remembrance go unnoticed any longer.

And, just to prove this rule, I'm going to celebrate an author I don't think I've ever actually talked about on the blog: Gordon R. Dickson, who died ten years ago today.

Saoirse Ronan in The Hobbit?

Man, I am incredibly torn here. Saoirse Ronan in The Hobbit, likely as Itaril.

On the one hand, to Hades with Itaril. I already commented on this horrible character, but I just ask you to look at the description in its entirety:

ITARIL – female, A woodland Elf, this character is one the Silvan Elves. The Silvan Elves are seen as more earthy and practical. Shorter than other elves, she is still quick and lithe and physically adept, being able to fight with both sword and bow. Showing promise as a fighter at a young age, ITARIL was chosen to train to become part of the Woodland King’s Guard. This is the only life she has ever expected to live, until she meets and secretly falls in love with a young ELF LORD. This role will require a wig and contact lenses to be worn. Some prosthetic make-up may also be required. LEAD. AGE: 17-27.

This is Jackson/Walsh/Boyens fan fiction, pure and simple. For crying out loud, could this be any worse of an awful fan insert? I fully expect Arwen Mark II: a girl who's underestimated by The Man, yet manages to show more pluck and competence than half the men around her. Bonus points if her love with the Hot Young Elf Lord is looked down upon by her domineering, curmudgeonly father.

On the other hand... I really love Saoirse Ronan, even though I've only seen her in two films: City of Ember (an extremely underrated and under-watched post-apocalyptic film) and Atonement. I was struck by how accomplished and beguiling a young actress she was, far better than I was expecting. She's simply amazing, and I see her destined for greatness as an adult.  I really must try to catch The Lovely Bones, and, depressingly, I think I just missed The Way Back in the cinemas.  Anyone know a cinema still showing it in Scotland?  Anyone at all?

All said and done, if there's any young actress who could get me to grit my teeth through the nonsense of Itaril, then Saoirse may well be the one to do it. Now, if only they could get Ron Perlman for Beorn...

Charles Saunders on the Heimdall Hullaballoo

You'll probably notice by my Facebook picture that my skin colour is in the single digits of the Von Luschan chromatic scale, and so my recent comments about Idris Elba as Heimdall are, obviously enough, from the perspective of a white dude.  How could they not be?  I can't exactly get a melanin transfusion, can I?  Even though I'd like to think I have some knowledge and experience of black culture, mythology, and history through contact with my aunt and a few other acquaintances, the fact of the matter is a white dude talking about a black dude playing a white dude is a very specific perspective on a subject with very different perspectives.

However, Charles Saunders, a man who can comment on racial matters from the black dude's point of view, has decided to leap into the fray regarding black Heimdall on his blog, with a very interesting observation regarding Amazons. I won't spoil it, because it's a revelation I'm somewhat stunned by: suffice to say, racebending was even in effect in the 1980s.

Seven more things I want to see in the new Conan game

The Battle of Venarium as the tutorial level, please.

Since Mr Holmes of Destructoid's wishes amount to pretty much "if it was in Conan the Barbarian, stick it in," I thought I'd give my ideas, continued!

Ralph Bakshi's Conan the Barbarian?

I came across this rather interesting little snippet a while back:

"See," he says, "I really wanted to do 'Conan the Barbarian'. Oliver Stone, who is a friend, wrote it and wanted me to direct. But we had to get Arnold Schwarzenegger's approval."

The trio met for drinks to discuss the movie. "And wouldn't you know it," says Bakshi, "I had one too many scotches and offended Arnold by saying, 'Arnold, if I direct this picture, you have to lose weight. You're just too big.'"

Arnold was not amused, and John Milius got the job. "John called me up and thanked me for my stupidity. And of course, it was a bad picture because Arnold was just too big."

What makes this especially baffling is that Arnold did lose weight for the film, because his muscles were impeding movement.  Look at the difference between Conan the Barbarian's fight scenes, and those in Conan the Destroyer, and consider Arnold was pushing it in Barbarian already. It's somewhat perplexing that Bakshi would be fired for doing something Milius would end up doing anyway.

I'm not sure if that's poorly-translated sarcasm in the last sentence or not, but it would be silly to assert Conan the Barbarian was a bad picture purely on the fact that Arnold was already awfully big.

While Bakshi's obviously quite experienced in live-action filmmaking, he never seemed more at home than when he was doing animation. Well, I think we can all imagine what Ralph Bakshi's animated Conan the Barbarian would've been like:

Seven real eastern swords that would be cooler than Khalar Zym's

Double bladed, parallel scimitar.  That can break into a scythe.

I'm not including some of the beautiful historical curved swords like the Talwar, Yataghan or Shamshir, because I wanted to show that there are even more unusual weapons that would make visually striking arms in a Conan movie.

Well, obviously, I wouldn't be making this movie at all, but just because I'm stunned by the mere idea of a Double Bladed Parallel Scimitar, I think it's worth exploring the more exotic blades of the East which were actually used.

The Filmgoer's Guide to Conan the Barbarian (1982): Conan's Early Life

... a BOY of about nine... The boy's dark eyes gleam like pools of oil... His eyes are piercing blue, the eyes of a barbarian child, already toughened by the harsh climate and the ways of the forest...
 - Description of nine-year-old Conan, Conan the Barbarian (1980 revision)

Conan is seen at the beginning of Conan the Barbarian, where he is nine years old. He has a close relationship with his father, who took him to pick wild blueberries since he was four or five. When Conan is nine, his father teaches him of his gods, and the enigma of Steel. On one fateful day, a horde of raiders come to Conan's village, decimating the populace and torching the buildings. No mercy is shown, not even to the women, and the few men brave enough to fight back are slaughtered - including Conan's father, who is slain before his son's eyes.

The slaughter is over almost as soon as it began: only the children, clinging to their mother's corpses or mewling pitably, remain - save one adult. Conan's mother, sword in hand, is defending Conan against the armoured warriors. Then a great, mysterious warrior - Thulsa Doom - dismounts, and seemingly entrances Conan's mother. She drops her sword to her side, and Doom beheads her. Conan can do nothing but watch, staring dumbly as his world is destroyed, and offers no resistance when he is locked in a chain gang with the other Cimmerian children. He is marched across hills, mountains, valleys and plains, until he arrives at the Wheel of Pain. There he is chained to a spoke, and forced to push this monstrous contraption. His childhood ends in chains.

Is this an accurate extrapolation of the clues Robert E. Howard left us regarding Conan's younger days?

Belated Birthdays for Merritt and Moore

I've gone and missed both their birthdays. I can't believe I didn't remember. Some fan I am.  It's even more ridiculous considering yesterday was Moore's Centenary.  I wish I could blame something like work or exciting things (there is an exciting thing coming up, but I'm not going to talk about it until it's ready), but really, the least I could've done was a tip of the glass.

To make up for it, I'll point to more observant fans: James Maliszewski, Shane Mangus, Lagomorph, and John O'Neil all posted little tributes.  A perfect example of how criminally under-appreciated Moore is: where's the Official C. L. Moore Forums?  Where's Jirel's atrocious adaptation that makes a hash of her origin and motivations?  Where's Northwest Smith's beautifully illustrated and sometimes problematic comic series?  She deserves so much more than this.

Return of Jody Samson

Yeah.

Conan the Barbarian Comes Back To Albion

New Glarus, Wisconsin - The Atlantean Sword, The Master’s Sword and other high-end collectible favorites from 1982’s “Conan the Barbarian” will be available again to eager fans, after a hiatus of several years. Albion Swords Ltd and Paradox Entertainment announced today that they have entered into a new license contract for those famous swords, as well as unique new items from the upcoming film, also called “Conan the Barbarian”.

“We are thrilled to be part of the Conan team again,” said Amy Christensen-Waddell, President and CEO of Albion Swords Ltd, LLC. “Conan is a very exciting and growing franchise, and we look forward to playing our small part in the Conan saga once again.”

“It is with pleasure we welcome Albion Swords back as a licensee, especially with the new movie in the making, from which they can bring new collectibles to their connoisseur customer base,” said Fredrik Malmberg, President and CEO of Paradox Entertainment Inc.“

The Atlantean Sword is arguably the most recognizable weapon in film history. Arnold Schwarzenegger, star of the film and former Governor of California, bought dozens of the recreated swords from Albion under the previous contract.

From 2001 to 2007, Albion Swords Ltd, LLC produced the swords from the first Conan film under a sublicense from Paradox Entertainment. Jody Samson, legendary artist, knife and sword maker, joined the team in 2001, moving his personal shop from Burbank, California, to New Glarus, Wisconsin. Jody made the original swords for the 1982 film and taught the artisans at Albion the ins and outs of recreating these landmark weapons. Jody passed away in 2008, but his legacy lives on at the small swordmaking company in Wisconsin.

The new Conan the Barbarian film is slated for an August 19, 2011, release and features Jason Momoa as Conan. Also featuring are Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, Rachel Nichols and Rose McGowan.

About Albion Swords Ltd, LLC
Albion is the leading manufacturer of historically accurate and functional Medieval and Fantasy swords, catering to discriminating collectors and reenactors worldwide through its websites: www.albion-swords.com and www.filmswords.com. Albion is based in New Glarus, Wisconsin, and has a European distributor, Albion Europe (http://www.albion-europe.com/), based in Sweden.

About Paradox Entertainment Inc.

PEI and its subsidiaries own, develop and license mainly character-based properties. The companies control the rights to stories and characters created by pulp author Robert E. Howard, including Conan, Kull, Bran Mak Morn and Solomon Kane. Industries exploiting the company property portfolio include film/TV, publishing, comics, videogame, Internet/mobile/wireless, toys, apparel, and more. PEI is based in Beverly Hills, California and is owned by Paradox Entertainment AB, a Swedish public company traded on the NASDAQ OMX-run First North Premier list (PDXE, SE0000598054). For more information, go to http://www.paradoxent.com.

Well folks, I guess it was inevitable. You know what that means - Double Bladed Parallel Scimitar that breaks apart into a Scythe!

The Second Scottish Invasion of Cross Plains: Howard Days 2011

After the monumental success of the Scottish Five's cross-continental expedition, it would only be a matter of months before it was repeated.  12, to be exact.  Bill "Indy" Cavalier has posted an update on Howard Days 2011.  Excitement!

This year, under the sponsorship of The Robert E. Howard Foundation and Project Pride of Cross Plains, with assistance from the Robert E. Howard United Press Association, our “theme” is all about Howard History. 2011 marks four unique anniversaries upon which will will devote our festivities. Cross Plains, Texas is already celebrating it’s 100th anniversary as an incorporated town (you can follow this on Facebook right now), it’s the 75th year of honoring the Legacy of REH, it’s the 50th anniversary of Glenn Lord’s benchmark Howard publication, The Howard Collector, and it’s the 25th anniversary of the very first Robert E. Howard Days.

Lest we forget another very important anniversary: the first anniversary of the Scottish Invasion of Cross Plains!  (I kid, I kid, ho ho ho)

Keeping that history angle in mind, we’ve chosen two Legendary REH publishers to be our Co-Guests of Honor this year: Damon Sasser and Dennis McHaney. Those of you familiar with Howard Fandom will of course recognize Damon and Dennis and we’re happy to have them at Howard Days to talk and be available to their legions of fans. Damon is the publisher of REH: Two-Gun Raconteur (“The definitive Howard Fanzine”) and runs the REH: TGR blog, and Dennis’ The Howard Review is his ultimate claim to fame (among others) in a nearly 40 year career as as a REH publisher. Dennis also runs the biggest REH message board at rehinnercircle.com.

I had the pleasure of meeting Dennis at Howard Days, though it was not without some trepidation: he'd been rather critical of The Cimmerian's post-Leo Grin run (not that the Grin regime was exempt from his criticisms), but I was so awed by the man's work for Howardom that I felt compelled to introduce myself all the same.  He was a thoroughly pleasant and erudite gentleman, and I'm very glad to have talked with him.  I didn't, unfortunately, spend much time talking to Damon Sasser: this will undoubtedly be rectified this year.

There’s lots more info to come here on the REHupa site, plus there’ll be info at the REH Foundation site, Damon’s TGR blog and Conan.com. We’re in the process of setting up the scheduling for Howard Days, plus there’ll be some truly fantastic events happening if everything falls into place this year. All of the familiar fan-friendly events are still happening: House & Town tours, Banquet & Silent Auction, Swap Meet, Postal Cancellation, Saturday BBQ plus a plethora of interesting panels & hopefully some special events.

Ok, if that’s not enough enticement, keep your radio dial tuned here for updates and more detailed information. In the meantime, shouldn’t you be making your plans to get to Howard Days this year? We’ll be looking for you! Y’all come!

Woohoo!  I have the hotel booked, tickets bought, and working on how best to keep cool.  I'm thinking a Bedouin suit - thawb, sirwal, kafiya - but combined with my beard, I'd probably give the locals a bit of the heeby-jeebies.  I could always pretend I'm dressed up as Kirby O'Donnell.  Or T.E. Lawrence after a few years not shaving.

DAAAAAH daaaaah... daah-duuuuh-daaah-daaah-DAAAAAH daaaaah....