Monday, 26 April 2010


Puny Worm-Spawn of Earth,

It is I, Zim! The one true Zim, mightiest conqueror of the Irken Empire, destroyer of worlds, Keeper of the Celestial Grill which sizzles the Fries of Ages! The insignificant slime-scraping known as "The Blog That Time Forgot" shall be the forum unto which I shall utter the words of Zim: dilate your human hearing-orifices and hear me!

It has recently come to my attention that some worthless pustule on the nostril of the galaxy has started to refer to himself as Zym, a pitiful alternate spelling of the magnificent monicker of the Almighty Smallest and future Warlord of Earth!

Now, the Pretender is planning to speak!

You're not in Kansas anymore - you're on Pandora, because Stephen "Colonel Quaritch" Lang is coming into the Empire office on 1.30pm on Monday 26 to answer your questions! Yes, the man so hard that he doesn't even need proper air to breathe will be taking part in one of our patented Empire webchats, and it's your chance to pose questions on everything from James Cameron's epic (and its planned sequel) to his roles in The Men Who Stare At Goats and Public Enemies to his upcoming turn in Conan. Be there - or he might get angry...

Foolish, inconsequential creature! I remember the obscure trinket-producing planet your minuscule minds call Pandora - it was delicious! A shame Invader Kurrr saw fit to extinguish it for the glory of Irkens everywhere.


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