Thursday, 5 May 2011

It's as if they knew...

Yesterday, I decided to spend time with my mother.  Helping her out with housework, hauling bags and furniture around, chatting, that sort of thing. I thought: "eh, there hasn't been much news on the Conan movie front, I figure I can stay away from the computer for a few days."  I come back at about 2pm today, but since I've already spent enough time on the 'net, I get started working on my book again.  It had really fallen by the wayside recently, and I was starting to fear the monster Procrastination was rousing from its slumber.  So I stay off the 'net, and start collating and organizing references to Conan's adventures not catalogued in story form (his youth, burning the Stygian fleet, ascension to the throne, etc).

Then I check the time.  6 o'clock.  Hmm, time to check my emails, just in case there's some snippet of information.  I see Sean Hood's sent an email.  In it, he said the following:

...I'm sure you are watching and analyzing the trailer.


I immediately check my other emails, and sure enough, tons of people have sent me links to the new Conan the Barbarian trailer.  One was from 2 o'clock this morning.  I was 16 hours late on this massive Conan movie news.  The one day I decide to stay away from the distractions of the internet, and it's the same day the Conan trailer comes out.  So, in a veritable whirling dervish of watching, rewatching, listening and screencapping, I started analyzing the trailer 16 hours after it first came out.  Bless Sean and the others for thinking I was deep in thought carefully analyzing this bombshell, but in truth I was going out of my skull sifting through notes on another thing entirely. I probably should've just lied and said "yes, of course, I've been spending several hours watching it on 1/20th speed hooked up to a 50-inch television backwards and forwards," but I'm a terrible liar.

It's preposterous.  This is cosmic junctioning of Adamsian levels.  Of all the days, it was this day?


  1. You are forgiven, my son

  2. That explains it. I kept checking back here to see what you thought of the trailer.

  3. There is a Conan movie coming out?

  4. Hey, where were all your assistants?

  5. Filthy Assistants, Damon. Al's the Spider Jerusalem of the REH world.

    (who first saw the trailer here...

    and was singularly unimpressed)

  6. Isn't that always the way it happens? No worries, Al. Thanks for all you do here and on the movie blog.

  7. You are forgiven, my son

    Thank you, father: I'll do ten Hail Marys and a Lord's Prayer just to be sure.

    That explains it. I kept checking back here to see what you thought of the trailer.

    Oh, my thoughts are indeed many, but they'll be done after I've finished my analysis (about Monday or thereabouts). In short, it's everything I expected and all that entails.

    There is a Conan movie coming out?

    Yeah, but I think it's a bit soon for a movie about the Late Show controversaAAAAAAAAGH I can't believe that damn joke's infiltrated my brain now!

    Hey, where were all your assistants?

    After this snafu I had no choice but to let some of them go. Including my Grandmother. She wouldn't go quietly.

    Al's the Spider Jerusalem of the REH world.

    That's why you'll never see me go near one of those high-falutin' Automatic Cleansing Units!

    Isn't that always the way it happens? No worries, Al. Thanks for all you do here and on the movie blog.

    Not at all, Kaiju!

  8. Good work on the trailer analysis!

    I've been responding to typical "where is Arnold" sentiments and mentioning REH at Youtube, in comments for the (various mirrors of the) trailer, for all the difference it may make. Since they're just comments on Youtube, it's like a lit match compared to the torches you and others are bearing. But I'm honored to bear it alongside you all. Like an old song goes: "It's better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark."

  9. Ah, but a lit match can be enough to light a fuse, Martin! I've been responding to a few movie sites, but only the minimum "this isn't a remake, it's a new film featuring a character created in 1932 by Robert E. Howard" in most cases. There have been some baffling and oftentimes hilarious responses: my favourite is when people scream bloody murder at Rachel Nichols "mispronouncing" Conan, apparently to sound like Conan O'Brien. Erm...