Saturday 6 November 2010

The Revenge of Spike Blogs

Oh man. Oh God.

Oh MAN. OH GOD.

OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD




Some of these are transcendant.  Indeed, the diction and vocabulary have a sort of bizarre genius to them that makes them wondrous to read.  I may adapt phrase like "an evil moral fibre", "a fun way to drive away some time," "ancient hat," "I have seen it abundant era," "a in tears," "gray metal," "I wasnt able to mind for a very long time" and especially "vastly not compulsory" in my day to day workings.

The amalgamation of casting, high manufacture doctrine, picture making, and higher than all scoring, upshot in communally to do what no additional film of this genre has done before to or in view of the fact that – capture the additional-worldly wise moral fiber of adventure fantasy.
In his Conan run, the chief Robert E. Howard bent an epic hero who is ominous, pathologically violent, and inexorably uneasy. His hopeless and strength are not the symptoms of obsession even if, but apt manifestations of his very scenery – he is pagan and barbarian and he has been very much offended. Conan is the clarification of youthful male fantasy, an essential physical and sexual juggernaut. To his enemies he is hardhearted Fatality, inexorable and inevitable. To women he is the strong essential or very what boys lacking encounter suppose it to be. The lost “Hyborean Age” that Howard bent for his hero is a planet in which Nietzsche or a nineteenth century shared Darwinist would have been comfortable, a planet as yet silent by the family of Abraham or the gentle carpenter of Galilee.
 - William D. Carraway

With the arrival of “Gladiator” to DVD, show fans and critics are cheering to the cinema legendary give up of “Maximus! Maximus Maximus!” Even as to be sure an impressive film, the arrival of “Conan the Barbarian” to an exceptional collectors journal DVD makes a salutation companion.
 - Preston R. Medeiros

 Violent and sexy, the cinema core is built of unremitting proceedings and notice, with very modest dialog. Hasty moments of filmic motionlessness act to call attention to the intense and regularly gory struggle scenes. This and abundant moments when here is obvious hurt of animals give the film its R rating. Of way, the controversy only superfluous to the cinema popularity at the time. Even now, this manages to be a startling film. By all earnings make and try to seek it out.
 - Marc Ruby™ 

(yes, Mark Ruby is apparently trademarked)

Even as additional fantasy movies are made by and for wimpy comic book nerds and effeminate Englishmen (or hopeful Englishmen), Conan was on paper by tough-guy Robert Howard from the overly macho panhandle of Texas, a landscape that would chew up distinctive modest hobbits and elves and spit them out. Conan was adapted for the take in by fellow tough-guy novelist Oliver Stonework and he-man boss John Milius. You can tell by now that no lament midgets need apply. Conan is for the red-blooded American male who enjoys violent entertainment and appreciates tall, gangly, soundly armed blondes.
 - J. L. Peppers

What is magnificent in this area Conan the Barbarian? The vital thump is of a outcome who’s total village has corroded below a commanding sorcerer’s genocide of Conan’s public. As he is full into slavery with the additional kids, he grows up approaching what is called a Veer of Pain; he facility as a emergent pony on foot in an endless assemble approaching a mechanical veer. As he grows urban-up, stronger and more qualified in the art of war, he is set baggy by hid drunk master and he goes in quest of the sorcerer, Thulsa Doom the cultivated meander wielding master dependable for the cruel life he endured.
 - Kasia S. 

Wow. I need a lie down after all that.

I will say, I love "the chief Robert E. Howard."

11 comments:

  1. Wow, thanks for this! I've never heard of Spike Blog before. I can't tell if this stuff was composed by a Vic-20, sweatshop copy-writers in Taiwan, or a mad poetic genius with a multiple-personality disorder...

    It would be very entertaining to get these folks to write the farewell issue of Realms of Fantasy.

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  2. Just walk away, dude. This way lies madness.

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  3. Yeah...with each continued "Oh my god look how awful they treat Conan" post, this blog slips further into the realm of Blogs That Do Nothing But Whine.

    Definitely not a realm where you want to be King.

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  4. Wow, thanks for this! I've never heard of Spike Blog before. I can't tell if this stuff was composed by a Vic-20, sweatshop copy-writers in Taiwan, or a mad poetic genius with a multiple-personality disorder...

    It's a curious thing, isn't it?

    Just walk away, dude. This way lies madness.


    A Spike Blog for Red Sonja came up on Goggle Alerts.

    Yeah...with each continued "Oh my god look how awful they treat Conan" post, this blog slips further into the realm of Blogs That Do Nothing But Whine.

    Definitely not a realm where you want to be King.


    Says who? Plenty of folks have made good money from whining!

    Besides, I'd hardly say I do Nothing But Whine. In the past week alone, I've said fairly positive things about Jess Nevins' recent blog about pulp, Bassett's Kane and hope for his upcoming Silent Hill adaptation, and Poledouris' epic soundtrack. That's not too bad, surely?

    I will also say his wasn't intended as a whining post: I was pointing out excerpts of hilarious Engrish. There are more than a few points where someone comes up with some nonsense like "you can't expect a 100% adaptation" in the reviews that you'd find in the link, but I didn't quote them. Because Engrish can be quite poetic and enjoyable to listen to.

    Nonetheless, I do appreciate you saying so, and being so polite about it. I try my best to be positive, but people make it damned hard sometimes. I have a lot of articles coming up that aren't just bitching about the Conan movie or whatnot, since I realise that constant negative articles aren't a lot of fun to read all the time.

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  5. Hey Badelaire, cut Al some slack! He hasn't ripped me a new a-hole yet (that I know of, anyway) be it here or over on Crom!...and I walk a fine line between poor writing, poor research, and poor taste!

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  6. Hah, well, if I haven't, it's just 'cause I know your heart's in the right place, Cromsblood. Besides, you give REH all the credit in the world, which is always a plus.

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  7. I am the owner of www.spikeblog.com. Lol i found this site through a backlink: http://theblogthattimeforgot.blogspot.com/2010/11/revenge-of-spike-blogs.html

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  8. Hi there, anonymous owner! I must say, your site has made quite the impression on me. Are you in fact affiliated with the television network, or is that a coincidence?

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  9. The more I read these the more convinced I am that Spikeblog has program that randomly generates comments using keywords. Honestly, no human being, not matter how "English Challeneged" would put together sentences in this way.

    It's all CGC, I tell you. Computer Generated Comments to make the blog look like it has an engaged readership.

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  10. The technical term "filmic motionlessness" will surely catch fire in the world of cinema criticism.

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  11. Oliver Stonework.
    Oliver. Stonework.
    Oliver. Stone. Work.

    This is definitely not the work of humans. The entire site is probably one big nest of bots designed to make money for someone. That post you got from them is almost certainly automated.

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