Sunday, 24 January 2010

Triangulation: Imaro, Critics, Birthdays & Asylums

Man, I really need to pick my battles. With the astonishing news of Jason "Can't ride a horse, won't ride a horse" Momoa cast as Conan, all the idiots are out of the woodwork. "Hey, I think it's great they're casting an exotic guy as a barbarian - I mean, it makes him stand out, right?" "I think he's closer to Conan, who if I recall correctly, was described as lean and panther-like rather than massive and muscular." "KRUM! Why do we need to remake Conan? It was a classic! They'll never do better than Arnold! Bring back Milius and Conan: Crown of Iron!"

Urge... to kill... rising...

Anway, on with the show. First of all was a very quick post on Imaro. I really like Imaro, he's probably my favourite non-Howard barbarian, along with Sigurd from The Ship of Ishtar. The image I chose is one of the few I found of the Ilyassi Ironman on DeviantArt, which can be a decent resource if you're discerning in your search. For the love of Tulkas, do not search for "Gimli & Legolas." Don't. Do it.

Then the moment I'd been dreading and anticipating for a month: Nostalgia Critic reviews Conan the Barbarian. To my eternal gratefulness, Howard gets a damn good shake from it, and I'm immensely impressed that Doug chose The Bloody Crown of Conan to illustrate it: The famous Conan the Adventurer would've been alright, but it's really great to see the definitive Robert E. Howard Conan collection in the spotlight. Top job, Critic.

Howard's 104th birthday at The Cimmerian wouldn't be complete without my sentimental ramblings. I'm a much tougher kid than I am as an adult, which is probably to be expected giving The Anomaly back when I was 16. I'm still pinching myself, that my stuff is on The Cimmerian.

Finally, a fun post on the Asylum. Honestly, the Asylum's mockbuster Conan will probably end up less painful to watch than the "official" "Conan." Kind of like how Transmorphers: Fall of Man was more bearable than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, seeing as it didn't stomp my childhood into little tiny bits with rutting gags and toilet humour. I still think I'm going to catch that Sherlock Holmes film with the dinosaurs and powered armour.

Don't look at me like that.


  1. You know considering things, a part of me would much rather see Crown of Iron, despite its own incredible divergence. I have to give Milius credit as a storyteller and director over Oppenheimer and Nispel. Just my quick thoughts on your mention of that lost script.

  2. I never thought I'd see the day, but even I would rather see Crown of Iron than whatever this mess is shaping up to be. At least then the Milius/Schwarzenegger fans'll be happy. The only people who seem to be excited about this film are Stargate fans, and that's because one of their boys is finally getting a big movie.

    I mean, all power to them, but come on.