Perez Hilton, kindly shut up.

Be warned, big rant coming up. I've done too many rants this week, I really should do something cheerful. Maybe that new Transformers game.



Perez Hilton gets in on the latest Conan casting rumours, and by golly he can't help but spew his uncooked opinions on the prospect.

Kellan the Barbarian???
Oh please, Hollywood powers that be, MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

Who are the opposite of Hollywood Powers That Be? I'm going to pray to them that this doesn't happen.

We reported over the summer that a remake of Conan The Barbarian was in the works. Back then, the studio had already selected their Arnold Schwarzenegger look-a-like, an Austrian model named Roland Kickinger.

Except they didn't. Roland Kickinger was never officially linked to the project. Ever. At all.

But not so fast, Roland. Seems the studio doesn't really care how much you look like Arnie, so they're heading in another seksi direction.

Yes, because you see, this is a remake of Conan the Barbarian. It's not like Conan was created by an autodidact genius in 1932 or anything, fifteen years before Arnold was even born. Of course not. Whatever gave you that idea.

A new name is being thrown around for the role and we won't lie, the idea of having him star in a 2 hour long movie, where 90% of the time he is shirtless is like one of our wet dreams come to life.

Sadly, that sounds pretty much like the film. Then again, how much of was Conan the Barbarian did Arnold spend shirtless in anyway? That seems more of a Conan the Destroyer thing.

Sources are reporting that the studio is considering giving the part to Kellan Lutz. It's understandable, considering his wide-spread appeal due to the Twilight franchise and abs you can't help but drool over.

Only understandable if you've never read a Howard, or even a Conan story, in your life. Hell, even if you've seen a Conan film.

Of course, Mr Hilton isn't the only one. The comments section is filled with the sort of nonsense I'm thoroughly sick of:

OKay…this movie is already doomed to suck. Who even watched Conan the Barbarian the first time it came out??

Oh Jesus, Conan was a craptastic movie, but then again who is really going to notice?

A rhetorical question easily answered. Enough people watched it to make the film a success, to help launch Arnold Schwarzenegger into the stratosphere, and make it one of the most acclaimed fantasy films ever made. Come on, I'm hardly CtB's greatest proponent, but I'll give it due credit.

The idea of a remake itself is idiotic but putting this talentless twit in it is even more idiotic (though better than some random Austrian model).

Why the hell would anyone want to see this? Conan was an awful movie before, so they're going to re-make a shitty movie? Sounds amazing.

Don't know who Kickinger is but I like the name. Why are they remaking Conan in the first place? Has Hollywood completely run out of ideas?

I agree the idea of a remake is idiotic. If. This. Was. Meant. To. Be. A. Remake. It's as if any new Conan film that isn't a sequel, prequel, sidequel or whatever -quel, it must be a remake.

The remake could be made into a better movie. It would depend on the writer, director, and CGI. The old Conan that Arnold was is in was good for that time, but we now have better CGI effects. If the movie has the budget and a good script and some good actors it could end up being a decent movie.

Again, not a remake. And of course, considering the writer and director...

Ok, I'll stop with this nonsense. I'm sick of being negative. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

*imagines Optimus Prime riding an Amphicoelias off into the sunset*

Aaaaah.