Sunday, 17 April 2011
This is why I have the "What In Blazes" tag
What we have here is a pornographic parody of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
What we also have here is one of the most logic-defying situations I can think of: a pornographic motion picture with a plot that sounds more interesting than the last three official Star Trek films combined.
Watch the video: despite it being ostensibly for a pornographic film, it's completely worksafe. I have no idea how that happened.
Full disclosure: I'm a Trekkie. No, I'm not the kind of Trekkie that pulls a hissy fit if you call him a Trekkie or a Trekker or any other nomenclature that seems entirely arbitrary. I am, however, the kind of Trekkie who can recall the episodes in which Data's cat was male and which were female; the kind of Trekkie who got into 4th place on Fifteen-to-Trek at Scotland's largest Star Trek convention; the kind of Trekkie who probably would dress up as a Klingon if he set his mind to it.
So yes, I like my Star Trek. That interest has fallen by the wayside in recent years as Trek's product has deteriorated, from the disappointing final seasons of Voyager (though Seven of Nine was a great shot in the arm: eye-candy my eye) to the cascading films, the anaemic Enterprise, and finally culminating in Enterprising Young Men.* Then again, given the quality of what passed for Trek at that point, who could blame them for wanting to do something different?
So it's with a mixture of pathos and bewilderment that I actually find Star Trek: The Next Generation: A XXX Parody more intriguing than anything Trek in a long time. I can almost understand the idea of the effects being better than the 1980s, especially the phasers. I can even understand the sets and props being not too incomparable. But the idea that the plot of a XXX movie is more interesting than actual Star Trek is utterly perplexing.
See, STTNGAXXXP isn't just a parody: it's a parody that respects canon. The story, so far as I can tell, centres around the return of Tasha Yar, whose body was discovered in stasis on a planet. The crew reacting to the rediscovery of Tasha is entirely in-keeping with how you'd expect with Trek lore, as they come to terms with meeting a woman they believed long dead, as well as tying into "Yesterday's Enterprise" (one of the finest pieces of Trek, even science fiction television as a whole) and other episodes. There's even allusions to Troi and Riker's past, Data's intimacy with Tasha, Picard and Beverly's unresolved tension, and freaking Sela turns up in a Romulan Warbird.
What the hell kind of crazy universe is this when the storyline of an explicit skin flick is more interesting to me than multi-million dollar movies?
The strangest thing is, I can easily see this film getting a "mainstream" release. In 2005, the film Pirates XXX was so well-regarded that the filmmakers actually produced an R-rated version (called, simply, Pirates). The makers of this pornographic motion picture were so proud of the acting, writing and production values that they cut the more explicit scenes out. This is a sentence I don't think I ever thought I would type.
After all, in a world where a Trek/Babylon 5 crossover made by five friends can become an internet sensation, former stars can make their own Trek films, and popular fan series can guest star members of the original series, why shouldn't an edited XXX parody of Trek with an interesting plot and impressive effects gain an audience?
*Yes, one of these days I'll have to explain my problems with Abrams' Star Trek in full, but doing that sort of thing justice takes time. You can't just leap into it.