Friday 5 November 2010

Do not go to Spike Blogs - that way, madness lies!

I have no words.  Well I do have words, but they'd erupt in a blasphemous gibbering outpouring of unintelligible insanity.  I'll just let these reviews for The Film Whose Name We Do Not Speak say it for me. Points of interest shall be put in bold, while points of sheer unfathomable, unreasoning bafflement shall be put in red.  I have to think some of these were not written in English originally, resulting in some quite spectacular translation quirks.

Be warned, oh ye blessed folk who have not read this yet: madness this way lies.  It's too late for me, you can still make it!  Don't do it.  What ever you do, don't click that link!


Kull the Conqueror [VHS] User Rating:
If you're into sword-and-sorcery tales, look no further than this critically underrated big-screen fantasy based on the fiction of Conan the Barbarian creator Robert E. Howard. It was a troubled production and the outcome is far different from the more serious and intelligent epic that screenwriter Charles Pogue had originally conceived. Still, this is a giddy, energetic throwback to the Ray Harryhausen movie fantasies of the 1950s and '60s, and it's a perfect vehicle for Kevin Sorbo, the hunky star of TV's Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Sorbo brings an appropriate combination of depth and physical agility to the role of Kull (son of Conan), but he and director John Nicolella know better than to take this stuff too seriously. The movie's humor is nicely integrated into the dialogue without resorting to lame punch lines, and Tia Carrere is enjoyably campy as the evil goddess who lures Kull from his favorite concubine (Karina Lombard) as she plots to overthrow the kingdom of Valusia. Playwright Harvey Fierstein also provides comic relief in a scene-stealing role, and with an abundance of black magic, stunning Slovakian locations, and grand battles of good versus evil, this heroic adventure is more entertaining than you might expect. --Jeff Shannon

Sorbo brings an appropriate combination of depth and physical agility to the role of Kull (son of Conan)

the role of Kull (son of Conan)

Kull (son of Conan)



Anonymous
Rating
 Yes, it’s not Oscar clarification but this momentously underrated sword/sorcery epic is further than skepticism a fun way to drive away some time. Kevin Sorbo is impeccably wry in a role that can make or kill a career and he comes owing to with a splendid routine. It would have been splendid to see Pogue’s first speech done as formerly conceived, with more blood and violence, but as high camp, Kull is very enjoyable. (Divergent to a assess higher than, Kull is NOT “Conan’s son” but is thorough to be a lead the way to Conan, an ancestor I don’t know, predating Conan by thousands of life. Some reflect that R. E. Howard used Kull as a “dry run” for his before long more legendary foundation, Conan. Reviewers, do your research.)

T. Interdonato
Rating
Beating rock arrangement, slashing swords and full to bursting muscles. It’s ancient hat and fun. This film by no means takes itself too sincerely. It may not be excellent film construction, but it’s splendid entertainment.

T.K.G.
Rating
I meticulously loved the show, so much so that I have seen it abundant era. The show opens with lots of proceedings and it continues right through the full film. Kevin Sorbo and the additional actors did a splendid job. I vastly urge it and want to see more films of this kind in the prospect.

Anonymous
Rating
This show is a riot! It’s campy, it’s unpleasant, it’s foolish, and if you don’t like personnel gear in a show don’t see it. If you do, take pleasure in Kull the Vanquisher as a splendid develop of all of them. It’s a splendid show, with lots of fun proceedings, droll allusion, and some cool only one of its kind things. Here’s no comparing it to additional movies, in view of the fact that it deserves to be watched and loved for what it is. Vastly not compulsory!

Anonymous
Rating
Kevin Sorbo is the huge proceedings hero in this film that makes “Conan the Barbarian” look gifted. He defeats the king in one of many battles only to be converted into the new king. But he must regain his potential when it is full from him by an evil yet very hot female (who is in fact an evil moral fiber). Lots of unpleasant dialogue and struggle scenes fill this show. The best part is that the struggle scenes are done to gray metal arrangement and it takes house all owing to medieval era. By no earnings is this a excellent show. But it’s sure fun.

Andrew Benjamin
Rating
This show was a splendid one. It had a lot of fighting which kept me in my seat. Also this show had all I liked. An unadorned plot, a main hero and villan, and two legendary actors and actresses. I would reconmend this show to all.

Jacob
Rating
Kull was in it’s orignal form a prequal to the Conan run even if that thought was dropped for a in tears a bit more far fetched. Kevin Sorbo the stage Kull last of the right atlantins whom any died when the island sank or became barbarians in the wake of its destuction. We at the start see Kull attacking soldiers for some unknonw wits. With that it becomes more clearer as to why. I won’t give whatever thing away more in this area this film but it must fascinate to personnel whom loved such films as Krull, The 13th Fighter or even Conan himself in any of his films. Some may reflect this film is chuck full of cheese. It’s not really. Kevin Sorbo portayed Kull as he did Hercules in his t.v run. Which lasted for eight life and says a in tears in this area the actor the roles he has full. So for fans of this kind of film go for it. Personnel whom liked Hercules and wish to have a in tears additional then the t.v. run then go for it and get the show.

Carson Hines
Rating
As permanently when a name sees a further Conan style film, they roll their eyes and walk away. With this film, even if, you have got to scour up one affair – IT’S KEVIN SORBO!! If you estimate whatever thing else from this show additional than foolish one liners and campy struggle scenes then go away. If you like just unadorned fun films with a clad thump and performing arts then this is a hit!!!

Victoria Gritt
Rating
The show came without a scratch and quickly. I so loved scrutiny a show I wasnt able to mind for a very long time.
Junko Ichikawa
Rating
In the proceedings and the thump not to make them get exhausted, it was very appealing.

9 comments:

  1. Those reviewers speak Engrish goodly!

    Tex
    (obviously That Film Whose Name It Is Not Good To Mention has driven them completely round the twist)

    ReplyDelete
  2. yah but spike is the network with deadliest warrior and 1000 ways to die.. and the even more dreadful Manswers..

    It's so sexist it isn't funny. It is supposed to be the manly answer to Oxygen, Lifetime, etc.. but I think only a lobotomized chimp would really find any of its original programing worth watching.. says a lot about the people who like it enough to actually post on its forums..

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't hate it. I loved the rock soundtrack and Tia is mouth watering.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm stunned. I'm gobsmacked. The review itself I chalked up to the writer still being high as a kite from all the ganja he smoked before screening The Film Whose Name We Do Not Speak, the only conceivable way one could watch and enjoy such an... artefact of commercial cinema. But clearly the spikeblog's readership seem to be attempting to be erudite, but just not managing it. Either they have also all engaged in the illicit inhaling, are non English writers and, thus victims of Google Translate, or they are all victims of the shoddy public school system in the U.S.

    Which of those scenarios seems more likely? Sadly I think it is the third.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I didn't know what to make of Spike blogs when I saw this the other day (thanks for the tip on Google Alerts by the way!)...The review is apparently new, but some of the comments are 10 years old..it's almost like one non-English speaking person is responsible for the works.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Those reviewers speak Engrish goodly!

    There is an undeniable appeal in Engrish, isn't there?

    yah but spike is the network with deadliest warrior and 1000 ways to die.. and the even more dreadful Manswers..

    It's so sexist it isn't funny. It is supposed to be the manly answer to Oxygen, Lifetime, etc.. but I think only a lobotomized chimp would really find any of its original programing worth watching.. says a lot about the people who like it enough to actually post on its forums..


    In that regard, I think they've succeeded in matching Livetime. :P

    I didn't hate it. I loved the rock soundtrack and Tia is mouth watering.

    I cast thee from my sight, foul deviant of rotten vine!

    Nah, I kid. But I still hate the film. Immeasurably.

    But clearly the spikeblog's readership seem to be attempting to be erudite, but just not managing it. Either they have also all engaged in the illicit inhaling, are non English writers and, thus victims of Google Translate, or they are all victims of the shoddy public school system in the U.S.

    Which of those scenarios seems more likely? Sadly I think it is the third.


    Honestly, I really think they're Engrish. Phrases like "unadorned plot" and "vastly not compulsory" really bend it in that way.

    I didn't know what to make of Spike blogs when I saw this the other day (thanks for the tip on Google Alerts by the way!)...The review is apparently new, but some of the comments are 10 years old..it's almost like one non-English speaking person is responsible for the works.

    I wouldn't be surprised if this Jeff person looked for all the 5-star reviews he could find, which were unfortunately in foreign languages, and translated them haphazardly to Engrish.

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  7. Livetime... the Hall and Oates album?

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  8. I have a peculiar condition when it comes to typos: I'll unconsciously use a word *similar* to what I'm thinking of by accident. Like peace in place of piece, or the reverse! Guess I had Hall & Oates on the mind... somehow.

    ReplyDelete
  9. oh right, Lifetime: The Man Always did it Channel

    had no idea you guys even had that.

    ReplyDelete