Conan parodies are a mixed bag. They've appeared in film, comics, cartoons, literature, even new media, all running the gamut of inspired to asinine. It seems every sort of media has some sort of Conan parody.
But a play?
A ripping SF-fantasy-adventure fraught with dinosaurs, barbarians, Transformers, heavy metal, monsters, spaceships, and all manner of madness.
Sunday, 11 July 2010
Friday, 9 July 2010
Conan the Movie Blog has a new master
I've been following the Conan Movie Blog for quite a while: Johannes "Waldgeist" Rebhan has been a reliable and excellent source of news. Within a year, the blog has unique daily visitors in the thousands, and has run up hundreds of comments in each post. It's gotten big. Unfortunately, due to personal reasons he hasn't disclosed to me, Waldgeist is discontinuing his work. It seemed a terrible shame to lose everything the site worked on, all the popularity and visitors it gained: first The Cimmerian, now the Conan Movie Blog. Lame.
So, when Waldgeist got in contact with me about taking over the blog, I really had to think about it. I'd been getting more than a few invitations to various sites, and I'd turned most of them down: I wanted to do my own thing. For some reason, this felt different. Conan the Movie Blog is probably the top site for people to get news on the Conan movie, and most importantly, it was a gateway to REH. This site would provide news on the film, but it would also seek to guide people to REH too. Thousands of unique daily visitors possibly being exposed to Howard?
This site had to continue. So, I said yes.
Now, fear not, Lost Souls: The Blog That Time Forgot will not suffer from lack of attention, and this doesn't hinder my Shieldwall plans. All that will happen is anything Conan movie-related that I normally post here will instead be posted at the dedicated site. It's simply dividing work I'm already doing, not adding to it. As an added bonus, Conan the Movie Blog uses wordpress, just like The Cimmerian: it feels a little bit like a homecoming.
The Rumour Mill of Pain trundles on: it just has a new home.
Labels:
Conan: The Wrath of Zym,
News and Events
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Turn off your Mind, folks: Gary Lachman's Way Ahead of You
This was a bombshell from Mikey C (of Necronomania):
You are going to love this one, comrades-in-arms. All the standard DeCampisms, plus a gratuitous link between REH and Charlie Manson of all people!
Maybe you can't really expect much from a book which solemnly recounts on page 3 the old urban myth that Manson was auditioned for the Monkees (which would have been extremely difficult as he was in prison at the time!) and then goes on to repeat just about every shaggy dog story from the period that your acid casualty friends have ever told you. But Dedalus is a highly respected publisher in receipt, I believe, of Arts Council funding.
It really puzzles me why Lachman thinks that Robert E. Howard is of such significance to the "Age of Aquarius". The Manson connection is entirely spurious - I have recently read three books about the Manson Family, and watched several documentaries, and I can assure you there is absolutely no similarity or link between any his rantings and Howard's ideas!
Anyway - here are the scans of the offending article.
More knowledgeable readers might be able to spot a source for this piece. I have just read a section of the book about Aldous Huxley and Christopher Isherwood's exploits in California. Feeling a sense of deja vu, I picked up another book I recently read called Madame Blavatsky's Baboon by Peter Washington. Well, I'm no lawyer, but the "p" word immediately sprang to mind.
It gives me no pleasure to attack, Mr Lachman's work, btw. For a time in the 70s he went by the name of "Gary Valentine" and was an original member of Blondie. He actually wrote one of my favourite ever songs: "I'm always touched by your presence, dear".
I have no knowledge of Lachman's work, though I do have a little soft spot for Blondie: that won't save him from my searing gaze.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Return of "REH Word of the Week"
The longest-running series on The Cimmerian blog, and one of the most popular, was Barbara Barrett's REH Word of the Week. With The Cimmerian gone, some might be concerned that they'll lose their periodic dose of Howardian vocabulary. Fear not, lexiophiles: Word of the Week is back!
I shan't spoil the word for the rebirth: suffice to say, it seems Babs is right back on track. With William Patrick Maynard finding a home at Black Gate (an ideal home for the pulp-lover), hopefully the rest of the Cimmerian alumni will land on their feet.
I shan't spoil the word for the rebirth: suffice to say, it seems Babs is right back on track. With William Patrick Maynard finding a home at Black Gate (an ideal home for the pulp-lover), hopefully the rest of the Cimmerian alumni will land on their feet.
Labels:
The Cimmerian,
Word of the Week
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Solomon Kane: DVD & Blu-Ray Chart-Topper!
As rumoured earlier in the week, Solomon Kane is indeed doing fantastically well in the UK, beating out The Lovely Bones, The Princess & The Frog, Twilight: New Moon, Sex & The City (fresh off a boost from the sequel) and even more on DVD for the week commencing Monday 5th July:
Kane's also kicking on Blu-Ray:
Well done to all involved! For all my problems with SK's faults, it tickles me pink knowing that Robert E. Howard's name and the name of one of his creations is on the front cover of the top-selling DVD & Blu-Ray charts. There simply must be some people out there who check out the special features, want to learn more about Robert E. Howard, and get onto Google. Welcome to the great adventure, lads & lasses!
In other news, continuing debate over at the REH Forums over whether Solomon Kane can truly be reconciled with Howard - sorry Waldgeist - has encouraged me to go through all the Kane tales again to see if there are any possible points of conflict/connection betwixt the two. I've only gotten through a few stories so far: I'll post the complete article later on (likely after my review). The good news for Solomon Kane fans is "Rattle of Bones" is pretty much compatible with the possibility of an Evil/Hard Man Kane. The bad news is that "Red Shadows" isn't. There are a multitude of problems not just from the standpoint of Kane's personality, but continuity with other tales in general, to the point where the story itself suffers a noticeable plot hole due to the events of Solomon Kane. Either a substantial part of the story must be rendered "non-Canon," or Solomon Kane must.
I'm pretty sure that most of the shorter stories and fragments will be safe enough, but the longer works may not. Time will tell. It gives me a great opportunity to re-read the stories. Can't wait to get back to "Wings in the Night." Man, I love that story.
Kane's also kicking on Blu-Ray:
1 Solomon Kane 2 Alice in Wonderland 3 The Princess and the Frog 4 Avatar 5 The Lovely Bones 6 Edge of Darkness 7 Sherlock Holmes 8 The Book of Eli 9 The Hurt Locker 10 Up
Well done to all involved! For all my problems with SK's faults, it tickles me pink knowing that Robert E. Howard's name and the name of one of his creations is on the front cover of the top-selling DVD & Blu-Ray charts. There simply must be some people out there who check out the special features, want to learn more about Robert E. Howard, and get onto Google. Welcome to the great adventure, lads & lasses!
In other news, continuing debate over at the REH Forums over whether Solomon Kane can truly be reconciled with Howard - sorry Waldgeist - has encouraged me to go through all the Kane tales again to see if there are any possible points of conflict/connection betwixt the two. I've only gotten through a few stories so far: I'll post the complete article later on (likely after my review). The good news for Solomon Kane fans is "Rattle of Bones" is pretty much compatible with the possibility of an Evil/Hard Man Kane. The bad news is that "Red Shadows" isn't. There are a multitude of problems not just from the standpoint of Kane's personality, but continuity with other tales in general, to the point where the story itself suffers a noticeable plot hole due to the events of Solomon Kane. Either a substantial part of the story must be rendered "non-Canon," or Solomon Kane must.
I'm pretty sure that most of the shorter stories and fragments will be safe enough, but the longer works may not. Time will tell. It gives me a great opportunity to re-read the stories. Can't wait to get back to "Wings in the Night." Man, I love that story.
Monday, 5 July 2010
In a Shocking Twist, The Last Airbender is adored by all
... For a given value of "adored."
Brad the Cinema Snob, one of my new favourite internet personalities, wasn't a fan either.
Now, I've only caught a few bits of the animated series the film is based on, but what I've seen looked not bad. Unfortunately, as is so depressingly common, the film is not. The film made many seemingly pointless changes to the beloved show's story, condensing all the plot into one, eliminating a lot of character development and background material. The racial alterations are notorious. To add insult to injury, it isn't even a good film: on the contrary, comparisons to Battlefield Earth and Dragon Wars (which has a special level in my personal circle of hell by virtue of the fact that it should be impossible and illegal to make a story about an epic battle between dragons and dinosaurs boring) are rife. So, in terms of doing justice to the source material, The Last Airbender has failed utterly.
And yet, in terms of narrative... This is still more faithful to the source material than the Conan film is going to be.
Brad the Cinema Snob, one of my new favourite internet personalities, wasn't a fan either.
Now, I've only caught a few bits of the animated series the film is based on, but what I've seen looked not bad. Unfortunately, as is so depressingly common, the film is not. The film made many seemingly pointless changes to the beloved show's story, condensing all the plot into one, eliminating a lot of character development and background material. The racial alterations are notorious. To add insult to injury, it isn't even a good film: on the contrary, comparisons to Battlefield Earth and Dragon Wars (which has a special level in my personal circle of hell by virtue of the fact that it should be impossible and illegal to make a story about an epic battle between dragons and dinosaurs boring) are rife. So, in terms of doing justice to the source material, The Last Airbender has failed utterly.
And yet, in terms of narrative... This is still more faithful to the source material than the Conan film is going to be.
Sunday, 4 July 2010
A Horrible Thought: A "Conan" Novelization?
Damnit, Mikey, how could you raise such a hideous spectre?
I'm sure you can guess what I think of the very idea of a "Conan" movie novelization.
Still, let's entertain the idea. If they get someone who really knows Conan - really knows him - and who can shock the world by making the film somehow fit in with Howard's creation, then that might be kind of cool. It won't happen, though. An alternative is one where someone just doesn't care, and tries to make the film as trashy and silly as they can. Better to be hilarious than to be dull.
I just had an interesting thought! Will there be a novelisation of the new movie? And if so, who do we think should write it?
My number one suggestion: Christa Faust. Anyone who can turn a joke movie like Snakes on a Plane into a rivetting read is bound to do a good job with whatever material is handed to her. Her Gabriel Hunt adventure "Beyond the Frozen Fire" shows she has a great feel for pulp adventure.
Another thought: How about Michael Moorcock? He's done novelisations before (The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle) and has recently turned out a Dr. Who book. Or would this be the final straw on his camel's back for Howard fans?
And finally, what do we think about Ramsey Campbell? Having done the business for Solomon Kane, would he be looking for another gig?
I'm sure you can guess what I think of the very idea of a "Conan" movie novelization.
Still, let's entertain the idea. If they get someone who really knows Conan - really knows him - and who can shock the world by making the film somehow fit in with Howard's creation, then that might be kind of cool. It won't happen, though. An alternative is one where someone just doesn't care, and tries to make the film as trashy and silly as they can. Better to be hilarious than to be dull.
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Just in case you think I'm being overly negative...
I came across a really cool blog, by one J.P. Walter. He's an English teacher who thinks Howard is a worthwhile subject for literary study.
Hell yes.
Hell yes.
Friday, 2 July 2010
Cromdamn Conan's Witnesses at the door again...
The symbol of the Conan's Witnesses, a Miliusnarian Revisionist Cromian denomination
Hilarious. The jist of it: imagine if Conan the Barbarian fans decided to make a religion out of Crom worship, and made an unholy mishmash based mostly on the film while treating Howard as, essentially, supplementary material. All that's missing are the irate Howardists coming around, denouncing the witnesses as blasphemers of the most profane heresy, infuriated at the mixing of the true, original texts of the great prophet Howard with the heretical teachings of the Miliusians. Then you could get the Decampistas, the Lancer Orthodox, the Star Metal Adventists...
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Another new look at Conan the Momoan (® Miguel Martins)
This time courtesy of Waldgeist's Conan Movie Blog, via BvTcH3r (the hell?) at the Robert E. Howard Forums.
Far superior to the most recent photoshopped-to-all-hell shot, but not as good as the first official shot. Still, his hair looks a lot darker: might be due to the moisture, or Waldgeist's clean-up process. At least he looks savage and barbaric enough, even if I still think he could've done with a bit more time at the gym.
My question is, why the hell are the Bulgarians and the French getting all the new info when this is an American film production starring an American actor as an American creation based on the work of an American author? You poor Yankees can't catch a break. If there isn't something at Comic Con, then they'd better do something damn special sometime this year if they want people to care about the film when it comes out. Case in point: Thor is coming out at roughly the same time as Conan is projected (Summer 2011) and it not only has an official still of Hemsworth in costume as the God of Thunder, we have interviews with the cast and directors, behind-the-scenes videos from the set, and know plenty about the film's crew. We know next to nothing about Conan's crew. We don't know who's playing the roles of Lucius, Fassir & Ilira despite their important roles in the script - and if they've been excised, then we should at least know why. Principal photography has wrapped, but we don't even have a proper, officially released still from Millennium/Nu Image/Lionsgate.
Bunch of chuckleheads, the lot of them.
Far superior to the most recent photoshopped-to-all-hell shot, but not as good as the first official shot. Still, his hair looks a lot darker: might be due to the moisture, or Waldgeist's clean-up process. At least he looks savage and barbaric enough, even if I still think he could've done with a bit more time at the gym.
My question is, why the hell are the Bulgarians and the French getting all the new info when this is an American film production starring an American actor as an American creation based on the work of an American author? You poor Yankees can't catch a break. If there isn't something at Comic Con, then they'd better do something damn special sometime this year if they want people to care about the film when it comes out. Case in point: Thor is coming out at roughly the same time as Conan is projected (Summer 2011) and it not only has an official still of Hemsworth in costume as the God of Thunder, we have interviews with the cast and directors, behind-the-scenes videos from the set, and know plenty about the film's crew. We know next to nothing about Conan's crew. We don't know who's playing the roles of Lucius, Fassir & Ilira despite their important roles in the script - and if they've been excised, then we should at least know why. Principal photography has wrapped, but we don't even have a proper, officially released still from Millennium/Nu Image/Lionsgate.
Bunch of chuckleheads, the lot of them.
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