Looking to the Future

I spent a lot of my free time on The Cimmerian, and it's daunting to think what I'm going to do without it.  So, I have a few ideas.

Triangulation: Lang, Lawsuits, Bakshi, Moorcock, Tolkien Art, Frazetta & REH,

Obviously, before the big news broke, I had a lot of plans for The Cimmerian. However, those plans will not be in vain, as will become clear soon. For now, a double-dipping of Triangulation, since I seem to have forgotten last week's.

On Tuesday the 18th, I link to Stephen Lang speaking on the Conan film. Comparisons to Jason & the Argonauts have me worrying about a certain other Harryhausen film, or rather its remake... Thursday the 20th, Paradox & Orion have settled their hash. Maybe now we can get Conan's Brethren, huzzah! Saturday the 22nd is right in the middle of the internet blackout, so in an absolute panic I just did a post on Robert Rodriguez announcing Fire & Ice.

Wednesday the 26th brings Moorcock back into The Cimmerian's sights, possibly for the last time. Thursday the 27th yet another short post, this time to a link of Tolkien artists. Finally, on Saturday the 29th, I get the big guns out, and go on with The Art of Frank Frazetta & Robert E. Howard, Part 1. Here I discuss the first iconic Conan picture. I've no doubt people will call it pretentious and snooty, but given I rarely feel like I'm clever in comparison to established Howard scholars, I'll take what I can get.

Again, I'll fully address the situation on The Cimmerian soon.

Well, the Sabretooth Cat's out of the bag.

In the second week of June, The Cimmerian will end its five-year tour of duty as Shieldwall for Robert E. Howard and J.R.R. Tolkien.  The domain name will go, the old posts will be archived at a new site, but the days of new scholarly material and news is over.

I can't blame Deuce or Leo for their reasons, nor do I intend to (were I in their shoes I'd do the same), but I'm still very frustrated at the way events have conspired. Since Deuce took over as Managing Editor, Cimmerian readership shot from 10-20,000 views a month to the region of 50,000. May isn't over yet, and we might actually hit 100,000 within the next few days.  It's just over a year since I made my official debut (23rd May) and in that time I haven't missed a single week. Considering how difficult a time of it I had leaving college, I'm immensely proud of that achievement. Now The Cimmerian has no option but to drift into the night in its hour of triumph?  Damn right I'm angry.

I'll probably talk more about it on The Cimmerian itself, but man, I hate this.

What if Conan became The Punisher?

At least, that's what this guy thought.


It didn't occur to me when I first saw it... but now I can't see anything else. Howard never depicted Cormac's silver skull on a surcoat (can't recall if he wore a surcoat either, or just plain mail), but I felt it a reasonable extrapolation on Jusko's part. Now, though... I can't help but see Marvel's answer to a DC superhero riffing on Robert E. Howard.

The Guardian Strikes Back

Crom, more nonsense from my favourite UK rag.

My New Mad Scheme: Atrocious Adaptations

As you've noticed, there aren't really that many posts dedicated to non-Howard/Tolkien things here on The Blog That Time Forgot, something that I really should rectify. However, there's something else I'd been meaning to do, regarding a phenomenon fairly close to my heart: literary adaptations.

The Return, and Frustration

Yes, my long exile from the Internet (all two days or so of it) is over, and I'm back.

However, I'm suffering a heinous case of writer's block. I'm working on three big posts: a Barbarians of Middle-earth, a Hyborian Age Gazetteer, and Frazetta & REH Part 1. In addition, I have two reviews I'm unforgivably late on (the authors even sent me free review copies!), a preview of an upcoming REH book sent to me that I should've done a long time ago, and the desire to keep things chugging along with the amazing hits for May after the Momoan pictures. Combined with a bunch of life changes and yet another mad scheme I've embarked upon, things are getting hectic, especially knowing I have to get a post prepared for the 12th of June when I'm out of the country.

At least I've more or less finished my treatment for Conan the Barbarian: Recut. After discussing it with Agent Scammonjam, I've decided to make it an exclusive for TBTTF, along with a few other things. I've only now discovered the "Pages" function on Blogger, which allow up to ten pages to be created, as opposed to simple blog posts. I plan on utilizing them in the future for important projects: CtB Recut, an expanded Conan the Barbarian: A Movie-Goer's Guide (like these LotR articles), a few other things on dinosaurs, Transformers and the like.

But I have to get the aforementioned Cimmerian posts done, because I'm really liking how they're ending up, and I've kind of dedicated myself to making them fairly regular.

Oh, Bother.

Well, my usual source for the internet has died on me. My back-up too. I'm currently writing this from the Museum computer, and I only have another 18 minutes left.

Therefore, until the Holy Internet Service Providers of the Celestial Domain deign to restore access to the Holy of Holies, I'm going to be MIA for a while. Just a heads-up for anyone wondering what happened to that beardy chap.

Fear not: this will not be the last you hear of me!

The Conan That Could Have Been...

As reported by Devin Faraci.

That's the face of the Conan you'll never see in a movie.

By now you've probably seen the images from the set of the new Conan movie. Jason Momoa looks like a cross between Tarzan and Kid Conan, and the general cheesiness has done little to instill hope in the minds of fans. What we've ended up with is basically the weakest version of Conan possible, but what would have been the strongest?

Devin, let's be real: Momoa is in no way the weakest version of Conan possible. Kellan Lutz would have been infinitely worse, and I seriously doubt Jared Padalecki could've bulked up as much as Momo has. In terms of appropriateness for the role, bodybuilders with no actual acting ability - like Roland Kickinger - would be terrible choices. I'd take Momoa over those guys any day.

Add The Guardian to my list of Newspapers I Don't Like.

Actually, it's probably already there.

It gets worse: instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian, we get buffed-up pretty boy Jason Momoa in the forthcoming remake of John Milius's bravura 1982 fantasy fable, an actor whose most notable performances have come in Stargate Atlantis and Baywatch Hawaii. Schwarzenegger, of course, was hardly a thespian of note himself when he took on the role that made him famous, but at least he didn't resemble an oversized member of Take That.

First, the obligatory NOT A REMAKE. Ten seconds looking it up at Wikipedia seems to be beyond the mightiest of journalists when it comes to Conan. Not to mention that Rambo, one of the main points of the article, is based on a book too.

Secondly... is Arnold really not reminiscent of an oversized member of Take That? Really? Not even Jason Orange? Back in his Conan the Barbarian days, Arnold was practically baby-faced. As an aside, Jason Furlong's John Connor is easily the weakest link in Terminator 2. He's an unlikeable, surly little brat. I sure don't "miss him," even if Terminator: Salvation was rubbish.

That said, Ben Child seems a bit schizophrenic on this, since he posted a much better post on Jason Momoa as Conan, where he notes how bizarre it is that nobody's adapted Howard's stories to cinema despite their obvious suitability. Don't know what happened there.