Transformers: War for Cybertron, or, The Rise of Wheelie

It just occurred to me that I'm posting a lot of stuff that really should be the domain of The Cimmerian, which isn't what I intended for The Blog That Time Forgot. Therefore, I'm going to stick to the one thing that probably wouldn't fly on TC: Transformers!

Specifically, Transformers: War for Cybertron.

Yes, I am excited.

Age of Conan: Rise of the Godslayer Launch Trailer

Behold!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I despise the Aquiromans. It's such a slap in the face to REH, considering his intense dislike of the Empire: even pseudo-Greeks would be preferable, if they had to go with a classical source. Here, the trailer has some scenes from the Dark Horse comics (I presume), where they have a freaking Aquila at the head of an army marching out of Tarantia. Also, the Khitai bells ring with "lamentations." If I never hear that damned word uttered or written in regards to Conan ever again, I'd die a happy man.

Then there's the whole "Khitai hates Conan for murdering Yogah" story. This is, naturally, something I have a major problem with, and while Joel Bylos did an admirable job explaining to me his choices and rationalizations, I can't help but think it's yet another in the long line of problems in the game's handling of Howard's world. Then there's the "godslayer" of the title: originally I thought this was a reference to Conan himself, but the trailer seems to indicate that someone - or something - else is the deicidal culprit. I wonder if that dragon thingy at the end is the Godslayer: wouldn't surprise me.

That said, there's stuff to like. Khitai looks great, the architecture & environments atmospheric and beautiful. I always appreciate when the trailers use genuine REH, and here they use some choice phrases from "The Phoenix on the Sword" that work very well in context.

I still hate rideable tigers & wolves, though. If this was Master of the Universe Online I'd be all over it, but keep it out of Conan, guys.

Fun with Yahoo Answers

Yahoo Answers is about the most hilarious site I've come across, for all the wrong reasons.

For instance, the answer to the question will there ever be a remake of Conan the Barbarian:

Never.

Uh... huh.

More Horse's Assery, this time from Agony Column News

I'm generally dismissive of the idea that any one genre is "for" a particular age group, be it children, adolescents or adults. That's restrictive and unimaginative. Sword-and-Sorcery tends to be lumped straight into the "adolescent" pile, seeing as many inferior authors have tapped into that mindset for girls & gore for profit. However, it's no more or less inherently "adolescent" than fantasy is for kids, or crime thrillers are for adults.

With that in mind, it's easy to see where Rick Kleffel's coming from. Unfortunately, he comes to all the wrong conclusions.

First Shot of "Conan" - Sort Of

Courtesy of Mikoza over at the Robert E. Howard forums...



Take a look at this picture. This was taken on the set of "Conan" in Bulgaria. Notice anything unusual? Particularly that tall, muscular, shirtless fellow in the red wraparound?

Another reason I need to get on Age of Conan...

... So I can get onto the official forums and let people know what's what. Then again, I guess I'd spend practically zero time in the game, and most of my time prowling the forums seeking to enlighten and dispel misrepresentation.

That's it, I give up.

This guy is going to drive me totally and utterly insane. I love how Poe & Wells are "literature," while Wolfe, Vance, Howard, Tolkien et al are "escapist fiction."

And, again, literature is not a genre. It's a medium. It's like calling a great television program "television," and anything else "flickering lights on screen." Or calling great art "art" and anything else "pictures." It's garbage, plain and simple.

Silly, silly man.

Triangulation: Revenge of the Mill, African Mythology, Hawks, Dinosaurs, and Momo!

A few more posts this week rounding out April...

Sunday sees that damned mill return, and a fairly lengthy one given my opinions on everything. I still can't get over Lang bringing up Shakespeare in reference to Zym. I've made a habit of posting Patrice's approval of Momoa whenever someone brings up how Momoa "can't live up to AHNOLD" elsewhere. I really think when we see Momoa with the blue eyes & black hair, grizzled makeup and extra muscle, people might finally shut up about Momoa. I admit, I was taking a "wait and see approach" bordering on the skeptical, but as soon as he lost the dreds & goatee in more recent pictures, I was starting to see it. Indeed, it was getting to the point that I'm starting to feel sorry we wasted Momoa in this film. Now I am starting to wish it was Lutz or Padalecki.

I wish people would read the books they review.

I mean, he might have read Heroes in the Wind, but there are one or two things that suggest otherwise.

What is this I don't even

So many questions.

1. Why is Conan laying waste to a horde of geriatrics?
2. Why is he doing it through the medium of dance?
   
3. Why are people just leaving their weapons in their victims' bodies?
4. If they're Cimmerians, Picts, Aesir and/or Vanir, why do they have brown hair? And if they're Hyborians, why are they dressed and painted like savages?
5. What's the deal with that dude in the white shirt?
6. What are those foot-long ropes dangling from a few swords' pommels?
7. Is there a particular reason everyone has pouches?
   
8. Why do the heads look like they're popping off spontaneously instead of being cut off?
9. Is that snake wrapped around the dude's amputated hand laughing triumphantly?
   
10. Why are there cats running about the battlefield?
    

I'm at a loss, really. Who thought this was a good idea for the final Conan the Cimmerian cover? It looks like a Mad Magazine parody for Conan the Octogenarian: just add scythed wheelchairs, bladed zimmer frames and spiked colostomy bags, and you're good to go. Hell, it even has cats.

Just... insane.